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Howie and Candice

Howie and Candice

We’re the authors of WARNING. NEVER. EVER. using pen names, because we couldn't use our real names.  We live with humans and that's how we got hold of the manuscript of our book. (It’s tempting to show them cats are smarter than humans, but we still need to eat.)

Why and how we published our book is a bit of a long story, so we included it on the Author's page in the book.

orange name tag cookie crossed out for h

Howie Doinn

angel with glasses for disguise warning

Candice B. Furreal


But trust us. We had a really, really, really good reason for publishing the book. It's really quite simple:

No book sales = No money = No cat toys or treats

Just so you know, we’ve already tried other ways to make money:

  1. We can’t have a bake sale, NO THUMBS. And, we can’t use the oven.

  2. A car wash won’t work because WE HAAAATE WATER and, again, NO THUMBS.

  3. We can’t babysit, because STILL NO THUMBS; we have claws; and no one trusts us with their kids. (We tried babysitter ads. No one replied.)

Most importantly, we would really appreciate your support of our new business as authors. 

And now we're starring in our own story, "The Saga of Mr. Squirrel, Cookie and Angel".

 Well, it's a prequel to starring in our friend's new book,  The Adventures of  SUITCASE.THE.CAT.


He said he'd try to help us get more cat toys

and cat treats.  We're still counting on our WARNING.NEVER.EVER. book proceeds.

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